I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
