I could have mohawked her pubes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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