It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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