nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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