ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
