I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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