You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
