This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
