I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
