you would pick up someone in the library
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
