if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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