He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I won the penis lottery.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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