i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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