so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
