this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
