right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
