He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
