So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
