i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
