If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
