i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
