If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
