I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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