i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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