did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
