I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
