So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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