I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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