Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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