He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
