I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
