Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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