She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
