I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it's like iHOP with fire
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
