The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My vagina just clenched in fear
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
