My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
