Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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