Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
