getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
