I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
