I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
