Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what day is it and did you see me today?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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