i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
