do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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