I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
