Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
