Please don't use social media to get back at me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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