youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
