Sponge bath it is.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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