I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were trust falling into bushes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
