he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
